Sometimes I am Just Tired, and Then Sometimes Things Happen…

Ive been in these mouse maze cubicles, and probably will again, just to keep it together (Courtesy: Syracuse.com)

I've been in these mouse maze cubicles, and probably will again, just to keep it together (Courtesy: Syracuse.com)

I’m here right now in the Madison Central Public Library, and not at home in my room at the YWCA. Why? Because my keyboard gave up the ghost over the weekend. That’s why the posts can’t be sent to your favorite Facebook or MySpace or email or other sites. I can’t type anything at home without coming up with multiple letters or worse, the caps turn on and off without my say-so.

Well, it means that I will have to get my laptop out of the repair shop after I get my UI check for this week. It’s a lot speedier than the eight-year-old HP desktop that I have been writing with. That’s what I bought the laptop for, newness and speed. And I really do need it, not just because of the blog, but because I am trying to get some kind of job, whether in academe or in the business sector, and the only kind of job hunting you can really do is online.

The UI is running out in October, and I don’t know yet whether I would be allowed to get an extension. I could use another, because there is nothing else around. Wisconsin and California are running neck and neck as far as a flat-lined economy. From what I understand, Wisconsin has gotten some more funding from the Feds regarding its unemployed hundreds of thousands.

Some of you probably have wondered where I have been lately. When Ted Kennedy died, I was trying to get up a week’s worth of information about what is happening in New Orleans these days. Kennedy’s death in the middle of all this hooplah about health care just made me want to simply watch television, and let go. I thought about his brothers. And then also, life intervenes. Sometimes I have to get on the bus, and do things, like keep appointments and interviews and go to Willy Street Co-op. And get my eyes checked and take a walk around the Capitol Building.

Other times, there is so much I want to write about there isn’t enough time (and energy) in the day to do it. It certainly feels like the blog is my real job, but I am not really getting paid as much as I’d like. You bet that I am looking at freelancing in some of the alternative, left press, written and online. Just like 8 to 5 jobs, though, I haven’t gotten a bite yet.

Someone on one of the Michael Jackson posts said that I must love the late singer a lot. No, really–not that much–just enough. I followed him from high school and college, and then after Thriller I felt deluged by all the media-created and celebrity-created excitement around the man, and promptly opted out. To me, he was just a man, but with a lot of talent, and that the real individual was a bit more than just videos and dancing.

The child molestation charges and the fake marriages, though, bummed me out further. I just felt that Michael was in a cage of his own making. His death was indeed a shock to me, as it has been for all of his friends, family and fans. However, I remember seeing Michael in London announcing those last concerts, and he looked like a living cadaver, and I just had a “this don’t look good” feeling. No, what interests me is what do these people–the people I just mentioned–make of him and about him after his death.

The conspiracy theories just seriously put me off–which is why I confront them–as well as the almost hysterical insistence that Michael was straight. Frankly, I don’t think that he was, and that is that. I have a question for all those who are tripping on that aspect: what would it mean to you if Michael was gay? That it was proven beyond a shadow of a doubt. Does that mean that your desire or adulation or admiration for him would end? Does it mean that god would consign him to hell or something? It doesn’t have to be. Really. I am way beyond trying to stigmatize someone.

I’m sure some are scratching out bios of Michael that pore over this aspect of his self as well as many others. However, just like any personality or relative or friend who has touched me during my life, it was a loss. It was a loss that reminds me I am growing older, that songs on the radio tell me where I was and who I was and what I was doing when I first heard this singer. And, that for a moment, I am just as young in my heart as I was when I was fourteen and Michael was ten, just as Stevie Wonder was twelve and I was eight when I first heard Fingertips. That’s one reason why I write, to put my feelings into words, and to create love–and clarity–from memory and loss.

~ by blksista on September 21, 2009.

5 Responses to “Sometimes I am Just Tired, and Then Sometimes Things Happen…”

  1. […] original here: Sometimes I am Just Tired, and Then Sometimes Things Happen… Comments […]

    Like

  2. […] original here:  Sometimes I am Just Tired, and Then Sometimes Things Happen… Share and […]

    Like

  3. […] posted here: Sometimes I am Just Tired, and Then Sometimes Things Happen… Tags: black, michael, michael-jackson, september, televisionPosted in Micheal Jackson Died | No […]

    Like

  4. […] onstage while on tour in eastern Spain, his music company said Saturday. Original post by Carloz Sometimes I am Just Tired, and Then Sometimes Things Happen… – thisblksistaspage.wordpress.com 09/21/2009 I’ve been in these mouse maze cubicles, […]

    Like

  5. […] soon as the tickets are available on the counter. Some may hoard for future “absurd” selling. Sometimes I am Just Tired, and Then Sometimes Things Happen… – thisblksistaspage.wordpress.com 09/21/2009 I’ve been in these mouse maze cubicles, […]

    Like

Comments are closed.

 
%d bloggers like this: