Tiger Woods is Creeping–That’s the Reason for the Car Crash

That’s what TMZ.com is saying, that this whole thing is strictly domestic. Husband and wife argued about a third wheel–rumored to be Rachel Uchitel. Those lacerations on his face and head? All from Mrs. Woods–and her little golf club. Well, someone else in the family knows how to swing one…as The First Church of Tiger Woods as well as TMZ.com can also testify.

Tiger Woods did not suffer facial lacerations from a car accident. They were inflicted by his wife, Elin Nordegren — according to a conversation Woods had Friday after the accident.

Tiger has yet to be formally interviewed by the Florida Highway Patrol — that should happen this afternoon. But we’re told Tiger had a conversation Friday — with a non-law enforcement type — detailing what went down before his Escalade hit a fire hydrant.

We’re told he said his wife had confronted him about reports that he was seeing another woman. The argument got heated and, according to our source, she scratched his face up. We’re told it was then Woods beat a hasty retreat for his SUV — but according to our source, Woods says his wife followed behind with a golf club. As Tiger drove away, she struck the vehicle several times with the club.

We’re told Woods became “distracted,” thought the vehicle was stopped, and looked to see what had happened. At that point the SUV hit the fire hydrant and then hit a tree.

We’re also told Woods had said during the conversation Friday he had been taking prescription pain medication for an injury, which could explain why he seemed somewhat out of it at the time.

Well, how have the mighty fallen. Here I was thinking that him focusing on his wife’s pregnancies was slowing up his game. It’s not that; it’s bouncing several blonde babes who nearly resemble each other at the same time that’s been screwing up his “A game.”

This is something even his cheating Creole daddy wouldn’t have been able to fix while alive.

What an idiot. Is that all it comes down to? Nooky on demand? He’s got everything, so what does he want now? The ruin of his career? Joining these other sad souls on the covers of People and National Enquirer full of money and power and unhappiness? It’ll fall away, Tiger. Everything will fall away if you don’t recognize this opportunity for what it is. Stop. Fcking. Around. Divorce Elin, remarry someone else or stay single. Or try something else to do other than golf.

Other white golfers have tended to keep their creeping under wraps or on page 14 of the sports page, couched in cryptic language. Or they’ve stuck with the same woman through creeping, children, moving around, and financial reverses. But not you, Tiger. There were already strong rumors before this happened that you were creeping. See, you’re a rock star. When people heard about the accident, it was like a thunderclap heard around the world. Nobody, except perhaps Obama, will get this kind of attention and concern. Even if you are losing on the course, you still have that rock star mantle. It’s a blessing, but now, it’s a curse. People won’t come to see you or buy your endorsed products if you keep on this way. Lorne Rubenstein of Canada’s The Globe and Mail says we’re all waiting for some answers.

Woods has the support of many sponsors, who pay him untold millions. They want to be associated with the 33-year-old winner of 14 major championships not only because he is a brilliant golfer – perhaps the best in history – but because of his image. They along with golf fans will want to know exactly what happened early yesterday morning in the darkness of the exclusive Isleworth community when Woods pulled away from his mansion.

The sponsors that will want to know – or one would think they would, and need to – include, among others, Nike, Upper Deck, Accenture, TAG Heuer, EA Sports, Golf Digest, Netjet, Gatorade, and Gillette. Meanwhile, Kim Montes, a spokesman for the Florida Highway Patrol told The Associated Press that police plan to ask Woods “everything.” First reports said nothing about that having happened, the explanation being that Woods was being treated for his injuries.

One thing is certain: PGA Tour commissioner Tim Finchem and the sponsors of every tournament in which Woods plays, must have nearly collapsed with worry when the accident was reported. He moves the dial like no other golfer, ever.

Woods was one of only two golfers ranked in the top 50 in the world who played in that recent Australian Masters, and some 25,000 spectators followed him every round. The Hong Kong Open on the same week had 12 players ranked in the top 50. Telecasts of the tournament showed very few people at the tournament.

My advice: Man up. Admit that you are having marital problems, then go into counseling with your wife. Decide whether to keep her and the children, or let her go with enough money to live the rest of her life in peace, and share custody. It doesn’t work to have a family and to continue being a playa when you’re on tour. In between, be with your little boy and little girl. That’s your living legacy. Find or reject religion or find comfort in family or friends who’ll tell you the truth, not what you want to hear. Get back to the basic reason why you love golf and what it does for you, and then spread that love around to your wife, children and other family members. Open up your life, Tiger. And above all, step on, but on a different path. Let this episode fade away for your sake. Don’t turn this into a donnybrook that every major gossip media outlet will rush to talk about to your detriment, and have folks shaking their heads. It’s up to you.