Chris Rock at L.A.’s Comedy Store Riffs About Being Invited to the President’s 50th Birthday Party
It was supposed to be secret, but this guy couldn’t keep quiet. And he didn’t count on the possibility that someone would be in the audience with a cell phone video recording all nine minutes of Chris Rock‘s visit to the White House. Rock was merely trying out new material. He must’ve been thinking that it won’t matter too much that he won’t be invited to the next Obama birthday bash. But when you’re talking about the current president publicly, especially when you’ve been to the White House, you’ve got to understand that ultimately it is not about you at all.
It was last year, but you know the media and the wingers were going to make a big thing about it despite the fact that the shindig was on Obama‘s dime. And because these two groups were excluded from the guest list. They can’t stand it. The media, because they want all up in the Obamas’ business, and the wingers because the Obamas are the “food stamp” president with the black family in the White House, not the First Family. And you know what kind of folks are on food stamps? Middle-class people.
How did I hear about it? Inside Edition, the half-hour gossip mag that makes me think of either The News of The World or The Globe on video, showed a couple of segments. I went online and sure enough, Politico, the conservatives’ mouthpiece, had picked it up, as well as Free Republic and Faux Noise.
Naturally, as a result of all the attention, Chris Rock Enterprises yelled out “copyright infringement,” and that halted further dissemination of the video. This was the only piece of the performance that I was able to find upwind, and it was from ABC News. Was it really copyright infringement? Or was Rock afraid of what he had done? Or did the White House upbraid him and insist that he pull the tape? We won’t know for sure, at least right now. But here is a partial transcript:
“So I got invited to Obama’s fiftieth birthday party..and I felt like I died and went to black heaven I really did. It was the most unbelievable experience of my life. The invite said dress casually. No suits. So I was like come on..that’s bullsh*t, right..I gotta put on a suit and a tie…they’re like oh no, no ties…”
“So I’m at the White House with shell-toe Adidas on. I’m there looking like Jam Master Jay”
“It was amazing. It was a barbecue. It’s like me, and Jay-Z, and Emmett Smith and Steve Harvey…there were like official white people there, like Geithner and the Vice President..like those kind of white people.”
“It was great…me and Jay were talkin’ about rich black sh*t…y’know, sh*t only rich black guys can talk about…G-4s a gas guzzler. Y’know…what kind of bodyguards you using now…oooh, Panamanian…I’ve got some South African guys myself…”
“It was a great party. I mean they had entertainment…” Rock says that as Hancock and Wonder performed together (“f**king amazing”), he and Jay-Z looked at each other, and realized they would never take the stage at the White House.
“Me and Jay looked at each other and we’re realized…we’re never going to do shows here, man, they’re never going to have me, the President’s never going to go, “Yes, “Big Pimpin'”…how’d you like that? Yes, Big Pimpin’ was amazing,…next year Jay’s gonna do “Money, Cash, Hoes“…It’s never going to happen…let’s just be glad we’re invited.”
Of DJ Cassidy, Rock says he started by playing “typical wedding sh*t…sh8t for white people and black people…but as the party went on, the sh8t got blacker and blacker..he was creeping that sh*t in…he played “One Nation Under Groove”…George Clinton in the White House…what the f**k he played a little bit of ‘Chocolate City’…”
“Then just when I thought it couldn’t get no blacker, this motherf**ker played ‘Crazy in Love’…Beyonce…and then Obama’s kids started dancing…they came from outta nowhere and f**king Sasha and Malia started doing the Dougie…I’m like oh sh*t…like it couldn’t get no blacker…”
“You gotta realize the white house is made by slaves, aiight? Okay, think about this f**king moment: A bunch of black people doing the f**king Dougie in a house that slaves built, and when you walk around the White House there’s nothing but big ass portrait(s) of Presidents and First Ladies and sh*t…
Yes, I can well imagine and appreciate the historical and spiritual import of Sasha and Malia doing their damnedest to be grown and hip among the grown-ups.